Sweet Surrender..

I have a 14 years old patient who tried to kill herself today. Luckily she survived.
The only reason why she took the insecticide was that she hates herself.
She hates her face. She has pimples..her hair was coarse & curly.
Friends making fun of her, she feels rejected, denied, not-wanted, not-loved..

I can truly emphatize with her. I had my first pimple when i was 10 years old..it was all those hormones & poor knowledge. I have combination skin which was very sensetive but nobody told me at that time that washing my face with regular soap will make it worse. Nobody told me not to sqeeze them, nobody reminded me about the horrible scars. In fact, my friends give me nick name ‘blup-blup’, from the sound of bubbling larva of a volcano eruption, the ‘kawah’ on my face..

Yeah, i also inherited that ‘maggi mee’ hairs from my mum.. Weight issues?
Well, enough to say that when i was in Standard 6, i can already wears my aunties clothes. And i wore a big-big spectacles..

If i really recall back, i think i also hate myself at that time. Maybe sometimes people didnt realize how much hurt their words can cause to a girl whose living in our world now. The world that is so engrossed in superficial beauty that it is becoming so hard just to love ourself for who and what we are. You can never be beautiful, sexy, thin, fabulous enough in this world..there will always be that little scars, laugh-lines, freckles, sagging skin, impurities that you need to erase..the extra kilos that u have to lose.

I think we should just learn to love ourself more. It was probably how i survived. I count the blessing that i had. I was a bright student at that time, i was the school head prefect. I played chess at the state level, and represented my school for many other competition. I balanced my dwindling self-esteem about my physical outlook with my success in study & co-curriculum.

Im not saying that you should just stay overweight, frizzy-haired, oily-faced..Well, i did straightened my hair and spent hundreds of ringgit on facial product (eventhough i still couldnt get rid of the scar and the pimples). What im trying to say is that you should not let other people, other things dictate your happiness. Even if no one in this world love you (which i think will never happened), YOU should always LOVE YOURSELF.

I told that girl that she cannot run away from problem. We will have lots and lots of problem in our life. Its how we choose to face them. I asked her, if she really died from taking the poison, how would people think of her? She will forever be the girl who kill her ownself because of pimples…

So, make peace with your face, the pimples, wrinkles, love-handles and all. Love yourself and people will easily fall in love with you..:)

~ by ciktembikai on February 9, 2009.