Sweet Surrender..

Fashion Fact

Yves Saint Laurent         : Eve Sain Lor-hong

Thierry Mugler                : Teary Moo-glay

Salvatore Ferregamo      : Selver-tor-ray Fairer-gum-moh

Pierre Cardin                 : Pierre Kar-donh

Louis Vuitton                 : Loo-ee Vui-tong

Donna Karan                 : Donna Karen

Dolce & Gabbana           : Dole-chay & Gebana

Christian Lacroix            : Christian Laukrwah

Hermes                         : Air-h-mez

Guy Laroche                  : Ghee-lah-rosh

Givenchy                       : Jee-von-she

Gianni Versace              : Jee-ya-nee Ver-sa-chee

Bvlgari                           : Bull-ge-ri

Braun Buffel                   : Brown Byu-furl

Bally                             : Ba-li

bad mood la arini…well,not really bad mood. more like ‘blues’. PMS. hehe..the great answer women made up to cover up for mood swing, irrational behaviour, binge eating and all the weird things we do..but in my case today its post menstrual syndrome kot..ada ke post menstrual syndrome? hehe

had a disturbing dream mlm tadi. time blues2 ni mimpi pg jumpa kus la pulak, but then dia cam tak layan and seemed so eager to send me back home..hehe..dalam mimpi pun psycho..

actually i always try to self-diagnose myself with some psychiatric or psychological illness sbb kdg2 my emotion and ‘fear’ are so intense that its so hard to keep a positive thinking and feel normal. bila time2 camni i could be so overcome by irrational sense of jealousy and doubt, undefined loneliness, sadness and emptiness that i feel so suffocated. like i could cry at anytime. i try to look back to my childhood kalau ade something wrong there, but i couldnt point out any damaging event. Hehe, freudian theory la pulak. aquarian trait? not so sure about that, tapi aquarian is usually described as aloof and ‘unemotional’..

em, maybe low level of serotonin kot sbb balik umah ni mmg takde can la nak exercise. at least last week ada gak pg gym…guess this is the time when we need to be rescued by a big bar of chocolate..ehehehe…

Em..Akademi Fantasia is back…hehe

aku mmg dah niat tanak terjebak lagi membuang masa tgk AF ni. Mmg obviously tak berfaedah, tak memberi sumbangan memajukan ummah, and nasib baik aku tak penah membazir credit utk vote. Apapun, seronok gak bila zahid menang sbb aku rasa dia mmg menarik minat aku dr awal. Tapi..rupa2nya bila AF3 start, aku ‘terpikat’ la plak kat Fuad..aduh..dgn machonya menyanyikan lagu favourite aku ‘Sway’..

So, i catched up with the prelude concert and later, tirai akademi. They got the talent. Mawi cute n bring a bit of fresh air to the reality show, tapi maybe tak sesuai la. The ladies definitely are more vocally superior this time n cute2 suma.

Tapi, kenapa ramai sgt org nak jadik penyanyi sekarang ni ek? Perlu ke?

em, back at home..sampai mlm smlm around 1130pm, then abah ajak lepak makan roti canai dulu. malangnyer, roti canai abah takde, tapi aku pulak end up makan roti jala. hehe

then, tak bule tido la pulak. i miss my baby..huhu…

sbb dah tido lambat tu, bangun pun lambat la jugak. sampai my dear uncle hon2 pun tak dgr. he’s back to see us before pg umrah next week. the one n only uncle (my cuman yg nakal sampai tua) yg suka sgt membuli aku sampai besar2 ni. he saw the picture of me n kus last raya, and questions about him came rushing out..(bila nak kawin, dia keje ape, kau panggil dia ape, ade tak orang panggil dia kus-kus? ceh!)

bila balik rumah ni mula la pening kapla tgk umah yg bersepah. sian kat mak sbb sibuk sgt keje smpai tak larat nak mengemas. lagi satu problemnyer ialah mak ni suka sgt nak menyimpan benda2. botol-’nak bwk pegi sekolah utk recycle’, biji labu?-’nanti bule tanam’, kuini yg dah separa busuk-’elok lagi tu, bule makan lagi..jgn buang’…well,thats my mum. maybe growing up in poverty made her into a person who can appreciate so many things which i could not see any significant of.

then, curi2 dgr bila mak n cuman bincang2 pasal family problem..em,part of reality living in adult world. masa kecik2 my problem is that i hate my curly hair, tanak pg sekolah agama sbb nk tgk maero attack, and i cant wait to grow older, to get money to buy many things.

sometimes, maybe its just lack of communication. when we were so caught up with hectic daily life, we dont have time to see even the person we love, we dont have time to talk face to face, we loss the skills to share our greatest fear, our hope, our confusion, our dream..we pretend too much that we forgot who we really are. what we really want..

for now, i just want to love my baby…

the holiday is ruining my brain to atrophy. i dont read the text book (masa tak cutipun tak baca inikan pulak cuti..duh!), i havent write in my diary for weeks, barely update this blog, i overslept every single day (my record was sleep at 12 midnight and woke up at 1 the next day) and finished a big bar of chocolate in 1 day…

i tried to read harper lee’s award winning ‘to kill a mockingbird’ but so far im stuck at page 40. i have some problem to really ‘feel’ and imagine the story because of the yankie’s language and probably because it was first published in 1960s so u know it was so much different from what we have now.

so, i moved to another book- Please Understand Me:Character and Temperament Types by David Keirsey and Marilyn Bates. Basically all about the Jung-Myers concepts of different types of personality in people.I also have problem to finish this one because dont know what is my type. Im pretty sure im extrovert, but the rest of the pairs of preferences (intuitive vs sensing, feeling vs sensing and judging vs perceiving) are not very clear. i think im ENFJ, but this type of people put other people’s need before their own. i know im selfish. lagipun here’s only about 5% of ENFJ in this world. 5% of people who would sacrifice for others. i dont think im that good.

otherwise, its a very interesting read. helps to remind us that everybody had their own way of thinking and seeing things from a different angle. which suddenly reminds me of kak nur’s theory. she said that the voice that our own voice we heard is different from our voice that other people heard. i notice that when i had my dad’s digicam and started recording. i just hate my voice (i just realize that sometimes i really sounds mengada2!) and my big ‘ha-ha’ laugh.

anyway, the point is that while we wonder why some people behave the way they do, remember that other people wonder the same about us. dont be too quick to blame, to point fingers, to condemn. sometimes, we dont even know why we ourselves behaves the way we does..

quoted from the book:

If i do not want what you want, please try not to tell me that my want is wrong.

or if i believe other than you, at least pause before you correct my view.

or if my emotion is less than yours, or more, given the same circumstances, try not to ask me to feel more strongly or weakly.

Or yet if i act, or fail to act, in the manner of your design for action, let me be.

I do not, for the moment at least, ask you to understand me. That will come only when you are willing to give up changing me into a copy of you…

I think sometimes we tend to get so submerged and engulfed in life, that we fail to see its beauty..its so easy to just see the world as a bad place, a nightmare with all the wars going on, people killing each other everywhere, robbery, rapes..with the rate every sin is going on, its hard to imagine how life would be for our future generation. It could get so stressful to live life everyday..sometimes like its a matter of surviving, to kill or being kill..

But, if we just focus on all the negative things, we will miss some of the best things in life. Things we face everyday, but fail to see the magic of it. Things like the laughter of joy, the tears of victory, the sky above (ever notice how colourful the sky is during sunset?), the birds singing, sounds of waves..and the brilliant feeling of being in love.

Sometimes we take those people we love for granted. We expect them to always be there for us. We get upset over small things; for not calling during lunch break even when they did called  early in the morning, for getting mad at us when we cant decide what to eat for dinner..we forgot that sometimes men and women can be so different and that in the first place that makes us attracted to each other.

I still wonder what makes a man loves a woman (and vice versa) sometimes..is it really love or lust? How do we differentiate between the two? Or is it a relationship made on the basis that u need to be with someone to grow old with, and that u just hate to start the courting process all over again so u stick with that someone..i guess its just magic..love and all the chemistry going on between it all.

And i still wonder why i love my kus darling so much..hehe..he’s so damn nice most of the time, but still make me cry at night..he can be sooo sweet but i really hate him when he makes me all jealous. Being in love is sometimes scary, like u lost half of yourself..but still im addicted to love..:) its one of the best things in life..well, besides all the above things i mentioned, and yeah, not to forgot ice cream, blueberry cheese cake, pizza, comfy comforter,ABC, mcDonalds? how about ‘kentut’ and its subsequent not-so-nice-to-mention-here action in the bathroom? and sneezing..emmm..the list is endless..what a beautiful life…

Em..

life had been pretty nice lately. Last week was holiday sbb 5th year students were having their final professional exam (tatau la mcm mana when its my turn next year…). so, i had been doing the things yg selalunya i dont have the patience and time to do eg; kemas balik all the notes and questions from previous posting, check my ‘treasure’ kat bawah katil and basuh baju pakai tangan sbb nak save duit..hehe

Then, friday: off to diyana’s place in ampang. Saturday: pegi ZOO NEGARA! It might sound funny, but believe me it was pretty fun. And the most interesting part was the chance to get up close and personal with Choki, a 6-yr old orang utan. It was so friendly and manja. No, it did not smell bad sbb the trainer baru mandikan with Rejoice (mcm teknik rebonding? well, the hair was still frizzy and kasar. hehe) and antiseptic..

Sunday, got 2 weddings; Qin (SASICIAN n current IIUM Kuantan collegue) in Andalas, Klang and the other one Maziah (IIUM Kuantan) at Armada, PJ. It was nice to see that they are finally together, especially for Maziah sbb Sham had waited for her for almost 10 years..and i couldnt help but imagine my own wedding day..

The Five People You Meet in Heaven - Mitch Albom

"THIS IS A STORY ABOUT A MAN named Eddie and it begins at the end, with Eddie dying in the sun…"  So, Eddie died on his 83rd birthday, after a meaningless dull life full of regret, hate and loneliness, working at end of his life as Head of Maintainence at Rupy Pier, an amusement park by the ocean.

It was one of my best read, right from the start.The language was simple, but gripping and deep. Full of meaning.The story was amazing, touching and very creatively delivered.

As the title revealed, Eddie went to heaven and met 5 different peoples from his life, who later explained about things that happened when he was alive. So, the idea of heaven according to the writer is to make sense of our life, to understand, and to finally free us from any pain, doubt, regret and hate that plagued us. Brought us to our pure innocent form when we were first born. The 5 person might be a friend, partner or total stranger but, all were somehow connected.

             ‘ …there are no randam acts. That we are all connected. That you can no more separate one life from another than you can separate a breeze from the wind.’ 

With these five person, Eddie re-lived his memories of his childhood, recollected the pain of war and the value of sacrifice and loyalty, looked back at the hurtful relationship with his father, felt again the warmth comfort of love and learned that there were always a reason and chain reaction to each of our every action.

About parents-children relationship:

                ‘ Parents rarely let go of their children, so children let go of them. They move on. They move away. The moments that used to define them-a mother’s approval, a father’s nod- are covered by moments of their own accomplishments. It is not until much later, as the skin sags and the heart weakens, that children understand; their stories and their accomplishments, sit atop the stories of their mothers and fathers, stones upon stones, beneath the waters of their lives.’

About love: 

                 ‘ Love, like rain, can nourish from above, drenching couples with soaking joy. But sometimes, under the angry heat of life, love dries on the surface abd must nourish from below, tending to its roots, keeping itself alive.’

                   ‘ Lost love is still love, Eddie. It takes a different form, thats all. You can’t see their smile or bring them food or tousle their hair or more them around a dance floor. But when those senses weaken, another heightens. Memory. Memory becomes your partner. You nurture it. You hold it. You dance with it.’

Its a truly must read!

My elective attachment to the IIUM Breast Centre is actually a form of lame reason to stay here in Kuantan n lepak2 a bit before the final year come and strip all the sleep away..I guess we achieved that as I have to admit that there’s nothing much to do there, but still there are one ot two things that can be learned. 

Our activities so far include doing home visit to post-mastectomy (removal of the breast) patient, visiting breast cancer patient in the ward, public education talk at a factory and meeting with Amanita founder, Dee Sidhu. The meeting was particularly interesting as Dee (an Irish, married to a Malaysian) herself was a breast cancer survivor, had bilateral mastectomy and had a reconstruction. U’ll never guessed that when u saw how vibrant, cheerful and full of enthusiasm she was, it was almost contagious. She was here to promote her shop which sell breast prosthesis for post mastectomy patient she set up in Ampang.

2 weeks here and  i noticed that most of the ladies who came to the breast center are mostly Chinese. Might be because the breast center is a private wing of IIUM (Mamography for RM150, Ultrasound RM70) but probably the Chinese are more concern and aware, with more knowledge and better attitude towards health. The Malays are usually the one who come late to seek treatment, because they went for bomoh n other alternative medicine first. Bukan suma bomoh tu tak betul, but when it comes to the matter of life n death, why dont u go to the one with researched results and real proof of your problem.

There is still more need to be done to correct our Malay attitude n awareness of health. Surely, its easier said than done. But i believe that small changes will always lead to big changes. And always start with yourself.